had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
