I got chris browned last night
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
