TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
