i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
