And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Randomize
