i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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