before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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