I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
