I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
