We won't sleep together?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
