dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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