I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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