just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
