She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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