jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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