I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
