She is in my trunk
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
