Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
