I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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