I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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