Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That accounts for only three of the penises
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
