So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
