Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
