My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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