i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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