just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The adults are the big ones right?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
