I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
