Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
