p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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