next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
