I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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