we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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