Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
