you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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