very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I've blown a few things in my day
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
