you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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