I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
