there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
