What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
