i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
