my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
