i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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