Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't want my vagina anymore.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
