do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
