dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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