apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
should my penis look like a turkey
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
