im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
