so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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