My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
