hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
