oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
