a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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